“How am I supposed to do that?”

My notes . . .

“What?” & “How?” should be the form of any question where you’re gathering information.

No is “How am I supposed to do that?”

You’ve conveyed to them you have a problem, something we refer to as “forced empathy.” because one of the reasons we emphasize tactical empathy is that we want the other side to see our position, constraints fairly.  How am I supposed to do that?  You’re right, you can’t.  They felt she said I can’t do this anymore.  It establishes a limit that doesn’t back the other side into a corner.

If they reply “Because you have to!!!” [is not them terminating the deal or giving you an ultimatum; it’s them saying, no, I’ve got no more room to give without the negotiations breaking off] what you’ve just found out is that they’ve just been pushed as far as they have been on that issue about as far as they’ll go.  That’s good information.  What do you do with someone who’s been pushed?

Have I gotten everything I could from what is on the table on that particular term?  So while giving the other side the Illusion of control while signaling limits, is a great way of staying in the conversation and not leaving anything on the table.

How am I supposed to that?  “If you want the house, that’s what you’re going to have to do.”  Which is a confirmation that they’d gotten as much as they could out of that term.  It’s a great way to give the other side the illusion of control.  Many people need to feel like they’re in control in a negotiation.  If they feel like they’re out of control, then they’re impossible to deal with.  If the other side feels like they’re in control the more amenable they are to collaboration.  You really don’t want people to feel out of control.


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